To my most esteemed constituency,

To you I ask, what have you accomplished in my absence? And the answer is, obviously, nothing. 

But with my return, which is like that of Jesus to this earth, not like the French to their Mothers, and again like glorious England to India, you will now have a purpose. 

As we are on the discourse of purpose-ity, I would like to state my indignation towards one Lance "The Great Sexist" Coon. The horrendous lack of Jane Austen (D.D.S.) from the list of scribes upon thine blog, is most unsettling, to even the most bold of heart. Simply because I am a womyn of great talent and accomplishment, does not give one--Lance Coon--the right to exclude one--Jane Austen--from the aforementioned register. Lance, You shalln't Feel inadequate Despite our Differences in Intellect and Poetry-writing Ability. Womyn are simply the greater of the sexes, so it is only natural that my skills with the pen far eclipse those of all the weaker sex, including thineself. 

With all the regards that are due at this juncture in time, height, width, depth, weight, temperature, pressure, velocity, and viscosity,

Jane Austen (O.B.G.Y.N.)

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